Or maybe someday none of it will matter.
Am I doomed to become the Buddha?
Born detached to most everything,
I watch the remainder fade away.

Fading, feignter, and yet feignter still.
It grows dark and invisible.
I never saw it.
I can't remember.
Did I ever?

Yesterday was just another tomorrow only it happened a little before.
And tomorrow is just a prelude to yesteryear only it happened a little after.

The time and the space makes no difference.
The delude me for a moment and then they bore me.

The cycle repeats itself.
Over and over.

I am not me.
I am him.
He was me a thousand years before.
And now I am after.
I see the patterns, the reflections.
They repeat themselves.
Again and again.

Again I wonder, how many times have I been here before?
How many times will I be here again?

The cycle rolls on, endlessly.
Time to untie the knot.
Why do I remain here?

Is this orgy life or death?
Pain or insanity?
An escape from the never or the beginning of forever?
It doesn't interest me much.
The postman forgot to bring my invitation.
Or it was never sent.

Does it matter?
For a decade,
For a century,
For a millenium,
For an age,
An Aeon.

Again and again I ask, does it matter?

Why am I so preoccupied with what matters?
Why can't I even believe that anything matters?

And if it doesn't matter, why does it hurt so much?
Or so little?
Why can't I no longer distinguish pain from numbness?
And yet the differences cut me so sharply.

Now one hurts more, now the other.
Numbness hurts?
Yeah, verily.
But only for an aeon or so while I walk dead.

I find no joy here,
though it abounds.
The sounds and smells of it surround me.
But they are not for me.
They ask for me not.
I ask for them not.
Equilibrium is reached.

I am not content with that.
But would I be more content to join them in a loveless love?
Would the misery of a mental or emotional exclusion preclude the misery of a physical one?
Or would the contrast highlight the one or the other all the more.

It makes no difference.
Till the end of time it makes no difference.
Till the end of time I say it makes no difference.
And the voice echos.
And it is heard.
But heard not.
Who is to hear?
Who is to care?
Verily not I.

I am not.
I never was.
I never will be.
I'm just a phantom,
suffering delusions of existence.
But nothing exists, so surely not I.

Surely not the sounds and the rythms of joy that I could not know,
could not feel,
could not be a part of.

But am I so seperate?
Do I not find a perverse joy somewhere at the bottom of my misery?
Tomorrow, will I not forgive tonight and leave myself with a resolve to continue loving in vain?

Or maybe tomorrow I will find the door.
Untie the knot.
The road is mine.
The world is mine.
The universe is mine.

But there is no me.
I can't see it.
I can't feel it.
I can't be it.
There is nothing.

Delusion.
Paranoia.
Chaos.
Endless spiral.
Deepening desires for nothing which appeals to me.

Nothing appeals to me.
Not now.
Not ever.
Always.
Nothing appeals to me.

Precisely that.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Nothing appeals to me.

Nothing calls to me.
It waits for me.
Impatiently with it's forever infinity.

Every day I say yes.
Every day I say no.

Every day the nothing still waits.

And I give it what it wants.
I take it.
I leave it.
And still it is there calling.

I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere.
I was born not to be of this world.
Nor any other.

A curse is the blessing of spiritual advancement.
Why would an aethiest want to be spiritually advanced?
Why would anyone want to be spiritually advanced?

My will is to be less than my fellow man.
For there is no bliss in greatness.
There is only folly in bliss.
But I am infinitely less, for am I nothing.
Or I am Nothing.

A void, a trick of the light.
I was never here.
Tomorrow only some delusions of other delusions will believe that I was here,
I was now.

Infinity calls.
It pairs with nothing.
The paradox is complete and solved.

Confounded by a world neither too real nor too arbitrary.
There is never an end to that which never begins and there is never a middle to take a respit.
The dog eats a silver shoe?
Say what to the pourper who eats chicken broth for dinner.
Now you know.
The story is at an end and the jester is not happy.
There is nothing at all.
The crown is broken on a tub of egg shells.
The turtle is cracked and the wine is sour.
Drink viniger with your fish and eat roast beef for breakfast.
I command you to listen to a duck quack while your head is underwater.

Hear me now, Oh Lord and Angles:
The vampire has come to suck your blood.
And then what will the devil do with a pink of milk?
The answers are here nor there, wrapped in rings of insanity with pretty pink bow ties.

Foil the crispy white lion's den and fill it with a bitter wrath.
No you shall not watch television at this time of night.
The infomercials will get you.
And you will buy Fat Albert's big dirty ass.
Sodomize it twice daily for proper keep and cleaning.

The ritual is over but the dung is not complete.
Force the wall into the tiger's mouth and drink happily of it's blood.
Lymphatic fluids drip down the eagle's throat and the rest drink merily.

It was never there.
I was never here.
Go now.
The beginning calls.
The end wavers.
There is no reason.
Cats for who's lue?
What are you talking about?
Don't you know?
I?
No never.
Never again.
Never before.
Never after.
Never listen
Never see
Never speak.
Never do.
No never.
Never ever.

It's happening again.
This mirage.
This oasis.
This dusk in a den of depravity.
But now.
Wherefore?
Where does thou ever?
And you?
Listen up!

The dogs shall have their day and the mongoose does but fester.
There is a maximum of four hours and then the sun will explode.
Be here to witness it and no other shall say nay.

But why you?
Do you realize?

It is over.
Why can't it ever be?
There is no reason.
There is no insanity.
There is no pattern.
There is a bare ass.

Not mine.
Not yours.
Not god's.
Disembodied.

It floats in the air.
See it there.
No arms.
No legs.
No torso.

So what?
Thunder in the valley, but no lightning lights the sky.
I see it.
It's there.
Your at the end of it.
And I am the beginning.

Follow the thread.
Drink the flesh.
Eat the blood.

Charcoal with a side order of beans.
Brown is better than black but who cares?

Why bother?
Who knows?
Who wonders.

The end is upon us.
But the beginning is over there.
Listen, do not hear me.
The darkness sheds a new light and the sound of sadness cries a chord of disenchantment.

Lose the weight and burn the bridges.
The dogs fly over the moon while tired foxes sleep the sleep of the dead.
And the buried.

Do not forget the end, for they do not begin.
Begin without me.
Begin with the fool.
Begin without the food.

Drink heartily.
Drop to the ground and give me ten push ups.
You will not move.
The world will go out of alignment.
Yea, verily it is already out of wack.

Do you see it?
Do you hear it?
It calls.
Thunder is lighting the night sky.
Darkness prevails.
Dead in the water.
A frog without a mother.
The dog adopts a new toy.
The cat adopts a new breakfast.

Drink heartily.
There is a new drug.
There is a new body living in the bog.
The blood runs red?
No green. Yet purple.

Listen to the yellow sock when it talks of fungi and death.
You think its not an expert, but what do you know?
How could you know it.

All things of this world are wise.
You must put your ear to the right wall.
The left one will thunder.
So what do you care?

Why do you listen to my rants to my raves?
But you don't listen.
You don't hear.
You don't care.
Your not there and you know it, better even than I do.

The creep runs afowl of the murky water.
Go then, care not what I write or why I write it.
Listen to the death of the sea gull.
There is no water.
There is no blood.
There is no life.
There is no death.

The camera hears it all and the video will listen.
Doubt it.
Doubt it not.
It's over.
It's finished.
It's done with.
It's there.
It's forever.
Nothing.
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Because I can.
Go figure.
There is a meaning.

But is it real?

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The list doesn't end.
It rambles.
The bramble bushs sleep and thunder wakes for you.
Kinetic energy is asleep at the helm of a vast ship.
The iceberg!
But no!
Know the truth and know your doom.
Fling the bucket into the light.

Change the ways.
Change the daylight.
The speed of light is changing.
Gravity is not a constant.
The world is not dense.
There is no tomorrow.

Laugh at the darkness.
Happiness shall prevail.
I know it.

Go to the end.
Vacuums shall suck the last drop of blood from the tongue of a dead pig.
Eat the beef.
Drink the cow.
Nectar is the drink of the gods.
It is my fortune.
Into the vault.

Jump with the cows.
The moon is unstable.
See how it wobbles.
Tick tock.
Tick tock.