Brian Matthew Kessler

Sorry about my manner of addressing you. Let me make it quite clear that I have no delusions that you are not a number, you are a free man. Strike that... if you were a man, free or otherwise, I would not be writing this letter... you are not a number, you are a free woman... somehow that doesn't sound aesthetically pleasing, but I will ignore that for the moment. The reason I address you in such a poor manner is obvious... I have no other way of addressing you... something I hope that you shall decide to amend.

I am considered "hot", "handsome", "adorable", or other such things by many (probably most, if not all) of the women I know... unfortunately, they tend not to meet my very finicky standards (which I have only recently dropped to somewhere within the range of possibility, although not with an increase in luck)... those that do, usually have boyfriends and/or develop a very good friendship with me that they feel will be ruined if we should allow our relationship to go any further (I take the viewpoint that our friendship proves that we could have a very good relationship and that we could always go back to being platonic if I am wrong, but they invariably refuse to test this theory).

My experience (sexually) has been limited to only six different women. The first, Jasmen, I met in January 1992, was friends with her for about a month, let her know my desires, and in the beginning of February we made love; afterwards she told me not to get too attached. After that she perpetually blew me off because she saw I was getting too attached and did not want to be distracted from her school work (I on the other hand needed stimulation because my classes were way too easy, despite having a course load that was more difficult than anyone who I knew).

The second, Juli, I met at a GWAR concert in early July. This was the best relationship I had up to date. I wound up crashing at her place (although we did very little in terms of actual sleeping). After that we got together every couple of days till mid-August. We had an open relationship, but to this point we were seeing each other exclusively. She flew out to see her friend in Oregon. When she returned, she explained he was more than a friend and he was going to be moving in with her until he got his own apartment in New York; this was to go into effect when school began in a couple weeks. He was not as liberal about relationships and wanted a commitment from her; she did not want to commit, but it hurt him to know she was with other men and she did not like seeing him hurt. I talked her out of it, but realized that I would not be able to see her while Eric was living with her.

I had a friend, Judy, in Montreal and decided this would be a good time to visit her. I took a train up to Montreal. I wanted to be more than friends, but she (initially) did not because she had certain emotional problems which lead her to hate every man she had sex with. Eventually, we did cross the line and it was the best sex I have ever had. Unfortunately, she started feeling awkward around me because of this and she was not comfortable about some of my eccentric ways of thinking, so I decided it was time to leave.

I received a letter from Juli. She said she missed me and wanted to see me. We started seeing each again, but unfortunately she had little time for me between work, her other friends, and her bagpipe. When we saw each other, we had little time to do anything and she was always exhausted. Eventually she decided to blow me off because she had no time for me, saw I was getting rather attached, and did not want to hurt me, so she could not bring herself to tell me it was over.

When I began seeing Juli, my sex drive went into overtime, whereas I needed to have sex every couple of days to operate at full par (mentally) and given a couple weeks without sex, I would either become extremely depressed or start breaking down physically (I realized this was a psycoscematic (sp?) result of repressing my anxiety, but there was little I could do about it). One day while lurking about on St. Mark's, while feeling especially sick, several weeks after the last time I saw Juli, I met Dee. I got to talking with her and told her of my problem. At first she did not believe me or care. But after several hours of talking with me, she realized A) I was a nice person and B) I was definitely sick (the final proof came when I threw up in front of her in a restraunt where I bought her a soda and myself some juice). Being that she felt sorry for me, she agreed to come home with me. It was the worst sexual experience I have ever had. While I have remained friends with her, the subject has not come up between us since.

Next came Alex who I met last February. I met her in school and we hit it off as friends very well. We got together one evening and went out. Afterwards we went back to her place and had sex. Then we decided to meet on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, this is no longer in effect since she decided to commit to some other guy she was seeing. We are still friends though.

Finally there is Liz who I met about a month ago. There was Magick between us from the start. We got together a couple evenings later, had a great time, one of the best times I have had since last September when I was in Montreal and she seemed equally pleased and eager to get together again in the future. For reasons I am not sure of, this never happened. Upon trying to call her, I discover she is never in and her room mate does not take messages. I did actually reach her twice, but she was tired on both occasions and said her schedule was too busy to commit to getting together. She has made no attempt to call me. I left a letter for her with a friend of hers who hangs out in Spirals, after discovering this friend was more than a friend to her (although not being disturbed by this); I have doubts as to whether he will give her the letter, but he said he would and either way I am sure she will find out I have been asking about her... I am not holding my breath on hearing from her.

Since then, I have met very few girls who interest me and invariably they have boyfriends. I have met a couple of girls who are interested in me and acceptable to the point where I would consider having them as sexual partners, but they want more from me than I would be willing to give to someone who was much more tempting, so none of those relationships are likely to go anywhere.

So now I am looking for someone else to meet my needs, preferably before my hormones start driving me up the wall (although I fear this probably won't be the case). Preferably this will be with someone who I can be friends with as well. I try not to put too much emphasis on looks (although it is impossible to get intimate with someone who disgusts you), but good looks are always a pleasant bonus. Nor do I worry about intelligence too much, although people who lack it are very likely to try my patience to the point where I would not want to deal with them any more than I have to (and they are unlikely to want to deal with me, being that much of what I say is likely to go over their head).

In terms of my intelligence, I was in the top 7% of my high school upon graduating (were I more ambitious, I could have been at the top; everyone above and below me were complete airheads who knew nothing outside of the textbooks and were incapable of independent thoughts; while I went out and had fun, everyone else who got better grades and many who did worse stuffed their noses in their books). I had 1210 SATs (700 Math, 510 English). On other achievement tests, I received 710, 720, and 700 for Math I, Math II, and Bio I (each out of a possible 800). On an advanced placement test, I received a 5 (out of 5) on a Comp Sci test and was the only person in the history of the school to accomplish such; I was also worshipped by all my piers for my ability with computers. I also received high scores as a member of the high school Biology team. I was recognized as a Distinguished Scholar by the state of New Jersey and received offers for tuition free scholarships to many schools. I can probably go on, but I find all this quite boring. If you really want to know more, you can ask.

As stated above, women seem to approve of my appearance. I am somewhere between 5'6 and 5'11, depending on the doctor that measures me... the last one said 5'8. I weigh about 130 - 135. I am white (except during the summer when I go to red and then to tan). I have long brown hair (with a touch of red in it during the summer as it gets bleached by the sun). My eyes are hazel, changing from brown to green.

I would send you a photograph, only I have non available (aside from some very outdated pictures taken in elementary school). You have my personal assurances I am not ugly. On top of that, fair's fair, and I have little idea what you look like either.

Enough for now, I look forward to hearing from you (address and phone on top of the first page). Don't get too freaked out if you reach the machine on my bedroom line.